


Jeopardy

by leagueoffish, neolithics



Category: Slam Dunk
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Assassins & Hitmen, Alternate Universe - Bands, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2003-12-11
Updated: 2019-04-13
Packaged: 2020-01-12 12:31:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18446597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leagueoffish/pseuds/leagueoffish, https://archiveofourown.org/users/neolithics/pseuds/neolithics
Summary: He was an assasin avenging his brother and was tasked to kill a singer whom hope's gone to rest but what if for the first time he fell in love. Can he fulfill his mission or will their love blossom?





	1. Unfeeling

A figure walked silently. His handsome profile did not deceive his unsure feet that brushed aside the fallen leaves of autumn, nor did it conceal the dark, cold aura he was eliciting.

He was bitter, gloomy, devoid of all.

Everyday he'd pass in that same street, masked in that same cold façade. And everyday, he would look up at the pale moon, and cry to himself…

 

* * *

 

_Nothing could be quieter than that Tuesday evening. It was a long walk home, with his body beaten by three consecutive hours of practice. But, beyond his weariness and the calm night, stood a gripping feeling of uncertainty and apprehension. He didn't know if it was just the dense air, or the emptiness of the streets, or the dimness of the decade-old lampposts that was bothering him so badly. All he was aware of was that the stillness will soon deceive him._

_And deceive it will._

_"Kaede, are you even listening?"_

_His head snapped up at the voice of his brother. Toru's framed eyes looked back at him, drawn in a mocking expression of hurt._

_He sighed. "Doushita na no, aniki?"_

_A light-hearted chuckle. "You try too hard to be cool. Try to live in normalcy for once."_

_"Isn't this normal for you?"_

_"…not really. You make it seem that I'm annoying you, or something."_

_The older didn't even flinch as his brother glared at him, nor did he make any attempt to apologize as the latter resumed to his brooding. He knew that Kaede has something worthy to brood about, and sometimes, it can be more than enough for him._

_Toru looked up. The stars stood in the heavens, twinkling in merriment. In his search for comfort, he always thought that his parents were there, like the stars, looking after the pair of them. He smiled. There, at the stars, he saw his strength, and his purpose._

_"ANIKI!"_

_He frowned as he saw them disappear, one by one, like the decade-old lampposts dying on that Tuesday evening._

_He closed his eyes, the light forever gone. And then, there was darkness._

 

* * *

 

Tonight was no different, stars continued to sparkle yet seemingly gloomier each passing day. If they could breath, would they know how it feels to lose hope? Would they even lend a helping hand? Waste time to wipe his tears away? Or even care to weep with him?

These stars… when will they give him answers?

In a dimly-lit place, another figure stood drinking a glass of vodka. His surroundings were earsplitting as teenagers and adults entered the pub.

A familiar clatter of hasty footsteps stopped in front of the glum individual.

"Sendoh Akira!"

The figure addressed eyed the intruder before he could reply.

"Kosh? What are you doing here?"

"What am I doing here? I was expecting you to be home at six. For Christ's sake, what the hell are you doing here?" His fuming bestfriend and manager said.

He blinked. "Isn't it obvious, Kosh? I'm drinking…"

"I couldn't have figured that out myself," Koshino said dryly. "Tell me, what's up with drinking?"

"Kosh, don't you think my life's not worth living for? I have no one special the same way as to no one treats me as special."

Koshino glared at his best friend. "Oh cut the crap, Sendoh. Why are you even sulking? You're a singer, you're popular, you have everything one could wish for!"

"That's it! I have every material possession one wants to possess but one can live without it."

"So you're telling me after all these years your conscience is breaking in?" He peered closely. "What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"Never mind. You won't understand me…" And you never will…

Slowly he glanced at his watch, then got ready to depart. His mind was blank and his chest all heavy after all the realizations came crashing to his mind.

"I think it's late already. I better go home," Sendoh said, smiling sadly.

"Yes, I agree that it would be better if you would, Sendoh Akira. That's the best solution."

The popular fellow left the pub unnoticed. Though it may seem as if he had everything in the world, his true goal was yet to be found.

"Let me find someone…"

 

* * *

 

The moon continued to illuminate the dark sky. One by one the stars were falling, showering wishes through the night.

Wishes that were too impossible to come true.

Is hoping still possible?

It's not too late to give up, though…as long as we can breathe…there is life. And as long as we have our life, we have our reason to live.

All the more, when we have no one to cherish…and so these will be our aim to find someone we can spend the rest of our lives with: to find a reason of our existence.  
Maybe, the same way would happen to two unexpected individuals as their paths cross while defending their lives and mastering the art of letting of go of their pride…

 

* * *

  

In a crowded place I stand alone, waiting for you…

 

 


	2. Desolation

_And so an eerie silence spread all through the night, as two lone figures reminisced the past rather than concentrate on the present and look forward for the future…_

 

* * *

 

 

Slowly, the earth was covered in big droplets of white snow, welcoming the start of the Christmas season. People were buzzing round the clock, buying gifts, merely spending time with their friends, with their loved ones and with their own family. He felt a sudden pang of jealousy, and of longing.

The world… it was so much unlike him.

He shook his head, clearing away all that he thought to be pure idiocy. He was devoid of everything, and so nothing can affect him…nothing must affect him.

But some things were never meant to be simple, and some things were.

"Oi, kitsune…the boss called you," one of his co-workers said.

He knew by then what it meant; he worked for a gasoline station that was too shabby for its own good. But this little show, this little cover-up, has deceived many as it toils mysteriously…unknowingly.

He entered a dilapidated door, which strangers would never dare pass through, otherwise meet a demanding consequence. Everyone in that station knew the restrictions when they pass the door…enter, and you can never turn back. Enter and maybe inside, you'll find your greatest strength and fear.

It felt like the ground was moving as he was engulfed to a new terrain. This was the underground level of the gasoline station, the door replaced by the view of various levels of floors; it was an elevator in disguise, after all.

Unconsciously, his feet brought him to the same dark room he visited quite frequently. After every single mission he'd be here, conversing with the said _boss_ , talking about his next kill as if it were as ordinary as the sun, and as clean as the air he breathed.

He laughed inwardly at himself as he twisted the knob of an old-fashioned, mahogany door. Clean kill, ordinary kill… such things, they do not exist.

Or do they?

"Rukawa-san, please take a seat."

He complied, sitting graciously and silently, resembling a cat waiting for its next prey.

"You were booked for another mission… your third for the week," said the boss with a lopsided grin. "This is not surprising at the least, since you are the best the company can offer."

The raven-haired boy nodded impatiently. "Spare me the compliments, Mitsui-san. Please start. I have another business to attend to after—"

"Of course, yes…visiting your dear brother. I already know how essential it is, but your moment with your superior is important as well." He smirked. "Not many get to have this much time with me, you know."

He sighed; Mitsui was annoyingly self-centered as always. That was why he found it puzzling that, despite the man's tendency to be pompous, nobody knew the extent of his powers. Probably because he didn't flaunt them, as most of the bosses do. Nobody knew him well, and nobody dared to take up the challenge. But he… he knew things about the boss that others knew not, this coming without even his asking. He was Mitsui's favorite pet, and is sometimes the fortunate one to be spilt secrets with. He couldn't help but wonder what the man wanted in exchange.

Mitsui opened a folder and browsed through it slowly before starting…

"You are to enter the NG Music Company and investigate the lead singer of Cruel Moon. There were no further instructions so you might as well start the mission immediately. As for the details it will follow suit."

"How will I enter the company?"

"According to your records, you are an expert in rearranging notes, so you are well-suited for the job. You are to apply as the producer; prove your talent and you will be accepted." He eyed Rukawa sternly. "Do not fail me… do not fail us, Rukawa-san."

He blinked at the sudden seriousness of his leader, then continued. "How will I know if he's the one?"

"There is only one opening job. He is the only one looking for a new suitable producer."

"Ah."

Mitsui drew close to him, their noses almost touching. He was looking at Rukawa's eyes with an unreadable expression.

"Many say that he is an attractive figure," he began. "One even quoted that his charm breaches… let's say, _genders._ "

Rukawa frowned at him. "If you are thinking that I would easily fall for a pretty-boy, fan-trodden moron—"

"I want to be assured, Rukawa-san. Swear to me, you would not let your feelings affect your task… or better yet, you would not, at all costs, have a close relationship with your target."

"This is just a waste of time—"

"Swear it."

Rukawa sighed in defeat. "I would not let my feelings affect my task, nor would I have a close relationship with my target, which I think is not possible since I am not and will never be degraded to such a level."

Mitsui never wavered from his place. Instead, he narrowed his eyes at the assassin.

"Be sure not to break that. You may change your mind along the way."

"Would you like me to write it down, then, so we can all go home in peace?" Rukawa snapped.

Mitsui's face broke into a grin. "No. It is fine as it is." He finally leaned back against his velvet chair, and put his hands together. "You may go. I wish you luck, Rukawa-san."

Rukawa stood up rather roughly, and took big strides to the door. He wanted to get out, away from Mitsui's penetrating gaze. There was something there, some flicker of emotion that the other had accidentally given away.

It annoyed him. It intrigued him. It confused him badly. And he loathed the man for it, for puzzling him and making him feel helpless.

He jumped as he felt his boss' cool hand land on his on the doorknob. He could almost feel Mitsui's penetrating gaze since he started to walk away sending chills over his body.

"Y-yes?"

"Be sure to come back here, to me, when you can." [1]

And with that, he was led outside of the room, then left to his own thoughts.

 

* * *

 

 

"All applicants; please form a line here…yes, there…thank you."

It was a hot, sunny day in Kanagawa. The endless torrents of light and heat were not helping in cooling down Ayako's rising temper. Even the air-conditioner seemed to not want to cooperate with her lately. It infuriated her… and an infuriated Ayako was not a pretty sight.

"This is not working," she hissed at the man next to her. He was CM's short, curly-haired bassist, and he cared no less for the new producer they would be having. A piece, a few remedies according to his taste, then he would play. No man arranging for him whatsoever. He didn't understand why Aya-chan was so fussy in picking the man for them. But then again, he thought, Aya-chan looked adorable with angry, blotched cheeks, so he didn't bother to keep her intact in the slightest.

"Don't worry, I'm sure they'll all live up to your…our…tastes." He grinned, and lowered his voice, "Although they look like total idiots, to be frank."

"They're more than idiots, Ryota. " Ayako sighed. Then, a dreamy expression came over her face. "Well, save for a handsome one."

Ryota Miyagi started. "What handsome one?"

"There, the last guy, the one standing."

A minute's pause. "He looks… gay."

*WHACK*

It was at that moment did Koshino Hiroaki came in. The scene of his colleagues bickering and an amused line of applicants made him grimace.

It took a while to wrench a literally bleeding-to-death Ryota free from Ayako's fatal wallops, that when the time came for the meeting to start, Rukawa Kaede, known yet unknown murderer, has fallen asleep. Standing. With a line of drool coming from the corner of his mouth.

This caused even more mayhem, due to Ryota's comment on "gay men who are unhygienic" and the round of smacking and clouting that followed.

Koshino groaned. "Where is that bastard when you need him?"

 

* * *

 

 

He stood there gazing at the grounds all covered with snow, as plants succumb to a peaceful slumber. How he wished to be like them. He never liked being alone; but look at him now standing nonchalantly, shivering against the continuous fall of snow. Yet, he did not care…he got used to solace after all those years.

Minutes passed before he started walking away, entering the tall building he worked on. He was smiling so pleasantly, concealing it all in an unfair act.

He reached his designated floor and sighed softly. He was faced in an unintended situation and then he realized that he never did understand Fujima Kenji. Fujima had dedicated a whole year for their songs, for CM, for the company and never did he expect him to quit just like that.

There wasn't any heated argument between Fujima and his bestfriend, Koshino, was there? He never knew the answer though…'cause he was never the one to butt in others business, even his friends and never the one to open up as well.

Entering the so-called room, he headed straight to Koshino's side, ignoring all the applicants who awaited his arrival.

"Finally! I've been waiting for—"

Sendoh sighed. "We need to talk."

Koshino blinked, taken aback. Talk about what? Ryota and Ayako? NG? The applicants for their new producer?

_Producer._

Then, he remembered.

Fujima's untimely resignation.

He ran a hand through his hair, a frown crossing his face. "If this is your disapproval again, there is nothing we can do…Fujima won't come back, and I guess he never will."

"What happened? Why'd he quit?"

Koshino ignored the question and shuffled the applicants' folders.

"What?" Sendoh repeated.

"What? I do not know what the fuck happened…he just quit! So here we are looking for a more dedicated, talented and suited producer for CM."

Finally, he turned around to peer at the applicants when something…or someone rather, caught his attention. He couldn't help but wonder…

Looks can be deceiving, but the talent must never be underestimated.

 

* * *

 

 

_Watching as the rain, fall outside the windowpane…_

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [1] This line can also be found in Anne Rice's 'Interview with the Vampire', between Armand and  
> Louis. Slashy, very slashy.


	3. Need

_Endless nights may cease to change and soon even in the most peculiar places we'd be able to find what we are seeking for…solace, salvation, love…and maybe even more…_

 

* * *

 

 

The clock was ticking… slowly… 1…2…3…4…5…6…

He tried to fascinate himself in the face of growing boredom, with only the sound of time's footsteps screaming at his ear. The thought of being left alone now on that room made him regret all the huddling that he did just to be at the last of the line. He wondered at what held him back, restrained him, made him feel undefined fear.

Fear. It was a foreign word, spoken in a harsh, alien phrase from some non-existent dialect. He had felt this fear a couple of times—fear of darkness, of death, of defeat. They were all too familiar that he had gotten used to them. But at the moment, it suddenly struck to him how different they were. The fear he felt, and the fear he was feeling. So unlike.

The clock ticked even more slowly.

He heard the creak of a door opening, then the shock of gravity-defying hair. He held his breath.

"Rukawa-san?"

He nodded. "Yes?"

Sendoh Akira smiled at him. "You're next."

 

* * *

 

 

"All you have to do is to comment on our song and suggest a few things that you'd think would make it better," Ayako explained. Rukawa noted the way her eyes were twitching, as if near tears.

"Okay."

"Good, then. At least I've finally met someone who has a three-digit IQ! Imagine how I had to put through with those idiots who knew nothing but to fix their eyes on *my* chest…"

"NANI?" Ryota's eyes narrowed in slits.

"Could we just PLEASE go on with the screening?" Koshino called exasperatedly, his hair already disheveled, his eyes nearly as bleary as Ayako's.

"Not until I get my hands on those bastards! I'll make them suffer… you just wait…"

"MIYAGI! You stay right where you are or I'd have to deduct that from your salary!"

There was silence after the last statement from the red-faced manager. Rukawa blinked at the situation, then yawned, as if uninterested.

"Rukawa-san, if you please…" Ayako called. Then she turned to her group mates. "Akira, we're ready!"

Sendoh nodded, and grinned at Rukawa. "Let's begin, then."

 

* * *

 

 

The steady beat of a machine was the only sound heard across that sullen room. It seemed like no one was there but a tall figure resembling that of a dog who took slumber for almost eternity.

The door opened and another figure entered the silent room. He crossed the room and neared the sleeping man.

"Toru…I've missed you."

It was a heavy statement. And it took all his strength not to break down, not to cry.

 

* * *

 

 

_Today was just another ordinary day, the sun was shining brightly and everything seemed normal and fine. And just like everyday he'd pass by that same road and come by that same old court where he'd always get a glimpse of two individuals having a one-on-one._

_"God, I'm gonna be late…" he huffed._

_Not like he wasn't almost late everyday but looking around he noticed that the usual court was deserted. At that very moment he felt something by his side._

_"Excuse me…"_

_He held his breath, surprised before answering, "Do I know you?"_

_"Ah, right. I'm Hanagata Toru; it's just that I always see you passing through this court and…" he trailed off._

_"I'm sorry, I'm Fujima Kenji. By any chance, am I bothering you and your company?"_

_"Oh no, no…its just me and my brother."_

_"Where is he?"_

_"Kaede? He's not around at the moment…"_

_"Oh." Fujima beamed. "I've seen you guys play. You're really good… so is your brother."_

_Toru blinked. "I've never heard anyone tell me that as sincerely as you did." He shrugged. "They say it because they want me at their team."_

_"I play basketball myself, so you should trust me, Hanagata-san."_

_"Really?" Toru grinned. "Wanna have a one-on-one?"_

_Fujima felt taken aback. His passion pounded at him, the adrenaline rising. He felt suddenly different, as if reborn, finally alive._

_He smiled. "Why not?"_

 

* * *

 

 

At that moment, he forgot everything about running late to his office and enjoyed the moment. It didn't take long before they got together. And the world seemed to stop when he found out what happened that faithful night…that Tuesday night.

He couldn't breathe; he couldn't bear to see…to feel…to be helpless…

_Come back to me, Toru._

The last word was spoken so hoarsely, but it reverberated against the white walls of the room, shaking the stillness.

"Please…"

 

* * *

 

 

Excitement filled his senses. Passions burned like the sun against still water, reflections of blue and violet and red and orange and yellow never waning.

Sendoh Akira sang with passion… no, Sendoh Akira WAS passion. And he burned in the eyes of the stoic, the indifferent, to render some things alive, some things forgotten.

Sendoh Akira was his living remedy for his pains, a newfound comfort.

But what was it that made him feel so uneasy?

_'Cause I know…_

_I just can't…_

_I just can't kiss you_

_The way I really want to_

_I just can't hold you_

_The way I need you here with me_

_I just can't touch you_

_The way I want it all to be_

_I just can't love you_

_I just can't…_

 

* * *

 

 

_"I want to be assured, Rukawa-san. Swear to me, that you won't let feelings affect your task…"_

"But the feelings, they are starting to work at me… a venom that makes one hallucinate about things that he never had, but had always desired…I may have been too confident. I think I can't keep it, onii-san. I think I can't keep my promises."

He was back, at the solitary white room, his head resting against the limp arm of his brother's. It was as if the other was listening, though with eyes closed, and with words spoken without volumes.

It had been a week after the auditions. Rukawa didn't know what he had done, but he remembered the singer beaming at him, as if to say that he was doing all right.

"This Sendoh, Toru-nii… he's different. And he makes me feel different about myself as well." He buried his head against the warmth of the older one's arm. "I don't want it. I don't want that feeling. I don't want it, nii-chan… yet I need it, had needed it for a long, long time…"

He looked at the face of his brother, which looked so utterly calm, though pale.

"Toru-nii… what should I do?"

 

* * *

 

 

_I look around the shattered space,_

_Where all I see is pain._

 

 

 


	4. Awakening

_Music flows through the heart and brings memories of joy. The joy of a new waking and a newly found discovery but still in the same continuous beat of rock and sorrow. And flows incessantly in a slow rhythmic dance 'til the end of time._

 

* * *

 

 

The room was silent…and empty. There was nothing there but the grand piano, he used not to long ago and his lithe form hiding beneath the shadows.

There was a sigh.

A sigh of impatience and it did not take too long before he strode his way towards the piano and run his fingers carefully through its keys.

And the room was filled with a slow and sorrowful piece. With it were the memories of yesterday and a silent prayer of hope…that someday he'd open his eyes…

Unknowingly, that someday was now.

 

* * *

 

 

He kept on pacing round the room. Their previous producer was watching the recorded tapes of the applicants and he couldn't help feeling a bit panicky.

Peering at the other applicants, he realized that one was missing and the door to the audition room was ajar.

His ears were soon filled with the soothing sound of _Sadame_. And he couldn't help keeping quiet instead of interrogating the man on why he was sneaking around the company, after all the man could be bored.

He crept away, just in time to witness the heated argument of the judges. Wondering what the outcome could be, he joined the discussion.

"So, what can you say about them, Kenji?" He asked.

"Truthfully, I didn't expect anyone of them could pass my standards, Akira. But one actually did…"

"Really? Who is it? Who among those idiots is our new producer?" Ayako asked, quite fed up, mind you.

"First, I have to say that I know the young man personally but never realized he had the talent to do such a thing. Second, it seems as if he is the only one who has the knowledge about what a producer must be…"

"Oh cut the crap. Just tell us who will be CM's new producer," Ryota interrupted getting quite impatient.

"Its Rukawa. Rukawa Kaede, the last applicant."

"Good God! You know him personally? I thought he's rather cute than any of those idiots…he's name does sound vaguely familiar, how'd you know him?" Ayako asked.

"Yeah, he visited the company once with his brother…"

"Don't tell me he's Toru's otouto…" Sendoh interrupted.

"He is…but I have to say he's quite the opposite of Toru."

"Can we now announce who passed the screening?" Koshino asked, interrupting any more discussion of Fujima's personal issues.

"Is everybody here?" Ryota peered through the applicants and continued, "One seems missing."

Sendoh tried to look for 'Rukawa' but he wasn't there.

"I know where he is…" He volunteered and carefully entered the audition room.

Fujima was taken aback as he slowly heard the sullen piece entitled _Sadame_.

He couldn't help whispering, "Toru…"

Everybody of course heard it and was satisfied more of the results.

 

* * *

 

 

There was nothing there. Only emptiness and a shell that has been broken not too long ago.

The world has forever stopped, as his fingers continued to run through the keys of the piano and with it were the memories of yesterday. Then…

"Sumimasen…"

A voice, there was a voice calling him making him jerk his head to its direction.

"Rukawa-san, its time for the results."

He tried to avert his gaze as he nodded and turned to leave with Sendoh by his side. He heard the hunting of Mitsui's words once again in a silent howl to never break his vow.

_"I want to be assured, Rukawa-san. Swear to me, you would not let your feelings affect your task…"_

And saw the sleeping face of his older brother…

_"…or better yet, would not, at all costs, have a close relationship with your target."_

Outside, he couldn't believe who he saw…Fujima Kenji. His brother's lover was standing there…but how? Then he remembered, another fresh memory of yesterday with his brother…

"Now that we are all complete," Koshino began.

"We would like to announce who among you would get the job…but first we would like to introduce to you our previous producer who has also participated in judging…" Ayako said.

"He is Fujima Kenji…"

Fujima gave a bow for all to see. And a silent acknowledgement in Rukawa's way.

"Now…back to the issue at hand…"

But as soon as those words were spoken. His cell phone rang.

"Sumimasen," he said in his same cold voice as he excused himself.

"Moshi moshi…what is it?" He asked.

"Rukawa-san, I have good news for you."

"What is it? I don't have all day for surprises…" He replied uninterestedly.

"Your brother…your brother has woken up…please come to the hospital immediately. I'm sure whatever business you have can wait."

He felt his heart jump as he murmured a thank you before entering the room again.

The problem was how could he excuse himself and Fujima as well since he was there.

"Now are there anymore interruptions?" Koshino asked impatiently.

"Actually there is," he replied coldly, masking his excitement. Sendoh looked at him closely but stood quiet and participative.

"Gomen nasai, demo Fujima and I have to talk _privately_ , its an emergency," he continued, but it seemed as if none of them were getting the point of what he's trying to say.

Even Fujima raised an eyebrow at him.

So even if he was trying to keep it from them he said, "It's pertaining to my older brother…now can we please talk?"

And as if on cue, Fujima scrambled to his feet and was immediately beside Rukawa.

"What happened? Did something bad happen?" Fujima asked, hesitantly.

"Iie! Aniki, aniki ga…aniki is awake…" Rukawa said.

Instantly, Fujima was in tears.

"We have to go to the hospital immediately… but how are we supposed to excuse ourselves? I myself need the job." Rukawa said.

"Don't worry. I'll be the one to explain." He then turned to Koshino. "Hiro, you're in charge now…just send them home…"

"…eh? In charge?"

"Rukawa-san and I have something important to attend to."

Koshino couldn't help notice the strangeness in Fujima's smile, as if he had just took ten cups of sake in a row. Fujima always drinks sake either when he's in the best or the worst mood. God, the man was confusing him.

He shrugged. "Fine."

Fujima grinned. "Domo."

 

* * *

 

 

They ran—or flew—over flights of stairs in hurry and anticipation, that Fujima had no time to think of how they would get to the hospital. The fact that Toru was alive and awake warmed him, as if he were standing near a fire after braving a storm. He wondered if the boy beside him felt the same way. He was sure that Kaede was thrilled to know his brother was safe from death—maybe, even more thrilled that Fujima. Ever since Toru fell into a coma, he had gotten sullen—even more sullen than usual, that it had built him a reputation of being cold and dangerously secretive.

But through all the what's and whatnot's of the boy's feelings after the accident, it was Kaede's eyes… eyes that were blue, and vacant… that bothered Fujima the most.

Finally, they reached the parking lot. Kaede wasted no time in running to his motorcycle, a Honda, and starting it up. He gestured to Fujima.

"I didn't know you ride motorcycles, Rukawa-san." Fujima said as he slid behind the black-haired boy.

"Aniki taught me…" Rukawa said as the engine heated to life. "He had always hated cars… now I see why…" the boy added, as he recalled a painful memory.

Soon, they were in a flurry of wind and dust, people and shops becoming a mere blur in their periphery of vision. Rukawa wasn't stopping, nor slowing down—not until he saw his brother's eyes, and his warm smile. Not until he felt his brother's smooth, silk shirt, now warm, against his cold cheeks.

They must have looked funny—two men in formal suits, on a not-so-formal mode of transportation. But they rode on, coats billowing behind them, racing against no one save for their hearts beating rapidly, hearts beating with so much joy and eagerness.

 

* * *

 

 

White. Blindingly white. It glared back at him, all the whiteness. He tried to shield his eyes.

"Am I… dead?"

It was the first question that came to his mind, the most logical. He must be dead, after being hit by a car going on over a hundred miles per hour. But he never thought it would be so humid in the next world. He always thought it cool, like what Sunday Schools made him picture. He felt sweat run down the side of his face and along the bridge of his nose.

He must be in hell, then. But wasn't hell crowned with red and black?

"If you're dead, then I wouldn't be here, would I?"

The voice was so familiar. It sounded so much like Kenji… his Kenji. Yes, it was Kenji. He can see his soulful green eyes, and can feel his lips pressing against his forehead. They were warm, yet so cool against his skin.

Bliss and delirium drove him back to paradise.

"Yes, this is heaven. And here you are."

He saw Kenji smile at him. "No. I'm afraid it isn't."

"It must be…"

Kenji laughed with so much mirth, that Toru couldn't help but smile. "You are still dreaming, Toru…"

"…aniki…"

He could hear Kaede now. What had he been up to when he was… sleeping? He looked at his side, and saw his black-haired brother looking back at him. His eyes were warm… unusually warm. He gasped as he saw trails of tears on his brother's face.

Had he been crying?

He looked back at Kenji, and saw that he had cried, too.

"Don't… don't cry for me…" [1]

But the silence of the room was wrecked with uncontrolled sobs of relief, despite Toru's soft protests, and before he knew it he felt the warmth of life pressing against his sides, wetting his hospital gown, bringing him to earth.

He was surprised to feel tears against his cheeks. Had he been crying, also? When? Why? Why was he crying? Why the sudden rush of emotions?

He looked at the man to his left, then to his right… they were shaking against him, both in a frenzy of tears and feelings, hands clinging to him as if he were to go again.

But he had no intention of leaving. Not now. Not that he found heaven, his own-made heaven, right there in his arms.

It felt good to be alive that he cried all the more against those who shook him awake. He felt all his thoughts of reason and emotion flee from him, leaving him completely. After all, there were still plenty of tears, joy-filled tears, to spare.

 

* * *

 

 

_Here there is no love to share,_

_Just an empty shell to break._

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [1] Get Backers mania. Juubei said this to Kazuki. Yeah, sure, he did. And it got me thinking. o.0


	5. Nostalgia

_The days were different back then, no one lived in humps of bloody mess. Death was not theirs to take and to evade, death for them was to await. One must live to love and to be loved in return …such were the days that in mere mem'ry only exist._

 

* * *

 

 

_To see a world in a grain of sand_

_And a heaven in a wild flower,_

_Hold infinity in the palm of your hand_

_And eternity in an hour._

_We are led to believe a lie_

_When we see not through the eye_

_Which was born in a night to perish in a night,_

_When the soul slept in beams of light._

_God appears, and God is light_

_To those poor souls who dwell in the night,_

_But does a human form display_

_To those who dwell in realms of day._

Suddenly, he felt a chin resting on his shoulder, a face peeking curiously.

"That's Auguries of Innocence, isn't it?" [1]

He wasn't accustomed to such friendliness. He blinked at Sendoh Akira's smiling face and ignored the ever so perky vocalist of Cruel Moon.

"You shouldn't play such a sad song, Rukawa-san. Its your first day."

"…"

He grinned good-naturedly and said, "The others are coming soon. Good luck on your first day."

 

* * *

 

 

"Aya-chan…wait for me!"

"Hurry up, baka. We're gonna be late. Why did you have to pick me up, anyway!"

But before Ryota could even answer, someone came running towards their direction.

"Ayako-san! Ryota-kun!"

"Ah! Kogure-san!"

Ryota grinned, "Why were you absent yesterday? You should've seen the new producer. He would've been okay if he was not so…"

"RYOTA."

Kogure Kiminobu laughed, "So I've heard. It would be nice to meet him."

 

* * *

 

 

"All right, all right, let's go practice now—ah! Kogure-san! You're finally here."

"Sorry about yesterday…" Kogure apologized.

"By the way let me introduce you to our new producer."

"…"

"Umm…he's kind of shy…he's Rukawa Kaede."

The name Rukawa Kaede ringed a bell in Kogure's mind and he grinned darkly at the new producer.

Feeling that someone was looking at him intently, he turned only to see Kogure smiling at him.

"Nice to meet you, Rukawa-san. I hope we can work together," his words underlying coldness and invitation.

"Hn."

 

* * *

 

 

White. Space. Soft sunlight streaming through dusty windows. The unsettling stillness that embraces him like a sharp breeze. They were all suddenly too uncomfortable to bear.

Toru groaned as he rested his head against a moth-eaten pillow. He had enough of the place, with only ceiling cracks and his soiled bed sheets to keep him at bay. He knew he was coping very well—the look on his brother's face, and that of his lover's also, were enough to prove his doubts wrong. This very fact made him restless, and much annoyed.

He started as someone gently rapped at his door. He muttered a soft "Come in", smiling as he saw a light-haired boy with a basket of fruits at hand enter the room.

"It came from the team," Fujima Kenji shrugged, a lopsided grin on his face. "They would've come, but schoolwork suddenly became a pain for any of them." [2]

"I'm sure you managed to pull that through."

"Well, hardly." Sighing, Kenji arranged the basket on Toru's side table.

Toru peered curiously at the sudden change in Kenji's expression. Gently, he took Kenji's arm and pulled his lover beside him, then wrapped his arms around the small frame.

He felt Kenji relax, and lean against him.

A companionable silence settled between them. Kenji's warmth felt good in the winter cold, he thought. And it helped drive away the loneliness and the restlessness he feels when he thinks about what lies outside the four white walls that contained him.

He couldn't wait to feel the sun, see the sky, taste the snow. He'd make sure he would do all that… with his brother, and with the team perhaps, and, of course, with this light-haired boy, his lover, beside him.

"I can't wait to get out of this place." Toru sighed, pulling Kenji closer.

Kenji smiled.

"What would you want to do when you finally get discharged?"

Toru grinned, and looked at Kenji with a playful, meaningful intent. Kenji chuckled, swatting the taller boy's arm teasingly.

"Did you miss me that much?"

Toru smiled. "More than you would ever know."

Kenji grinned. "I'd make sure it'd be the best thing that would ever happen to you…"

He looked at Toru who was, although paler than usual, nonetheless awake… and alive. Kenji felt a sudden jolt of emotion, and a sob escaped him. He buried his head against Toru's chest.

"…to us."

With a lighter mood and relieved spirits, Toru drew Kenji closer in reply.

 

* * *

 

 

Kiminobu Kogure was not a respected man for no reason. He excelled in his studies during his school years, and he was generally the good guy everybody loves. He had clean records, and a good reputation. He had soft features and a nice profile, making him helplessly attractive and cute for the mob of squealing high school girls that he meets on his way to work. That was what everybody thought of him. A normal, good-natured man.

This was a general wrong.

He sighed in relief as he finally reached the bar. It was a good thing nobody questioned him when he told the band he had to leave early. But this Rukawa Kaede, who was only in-training and unaccustomed to the industry and its people, eyed him with so much suspicion and distrust. Definitely an assassin, he thought.

Easing himself into a chair, he ordered himself drinks, then pulled out a note which came from his new client.

_Darius' bar, 7 P.M. Be prompt._

"Prompt, huh?" He drawled sarcastically as he peered at the time. It was 7:15, and the client was nowhere to be found.

He started as the door opened and a sudden blast of wind hit his face. Apparently annoyed, he now cursed the sudden cold, and drew the jacket closer to his person.

Only to see Mitsui Hisashi saunter by, without noticing him, or who he was.

Kogure felt his throat run dry, and his hands clammy. There was no mistake. It was Hisashi. The same proud, dominant Hisashi he has respected and revered. The same Hisashi he had a certain fondness for, and that flicker of liking… and maybe obsession, or even love… still lived up to that very moment.

But was he that unrecognizable? Hisashi was the type of person who loved details, and would probably never miss anything. But he missed Kogure, just now. And it hurt him so violently. It offended him in every possible way.

_You have forgotten. I thought you'd remember even just a little, as you have given our relationship importance back then, but you have forgotten. Because all you think about is that boy!_

It had been one of the very reasons why he broke off with Hisashi, before meeting his accident. He can remember vividly the way he threw Hisashi's lamp at him, and stormed at how… impossible… the relationship was getting, the way his tears fell and blurred his eyes as he ran out of Hisashi's flat, the way he stumbled into his apartment and sobbed, cried, cursed…

He didn't cry anymore. But the curse, his revenge, grew, like a disease that consumes and takes life away…

Hisashi found a table at the corner of the room. He saw him order drinks, then charm the swooning waitress before letting her off. Typical. Hisashi had always been like that. But there was a time in their relationship wherein he had been faithful, and passionate, and gentle, it almost seemed like some divine force has exorcised his spirit. Well, he was always passionate and gentle during their activities at night… but fidelity… it was another matter. Taming Hisashi and having him under his wing had been his greatest feat, and he could not be any prouder.

Kogure knew Hisashi loved him, at one point in time. But maybe he was just not enough. It was the bitter truth that turned him into what he was now. A deceiving psychopath. He wondered why nobody saw his malicious intents before, excluding the infamous Rukawa Kaede. The sudden changes of expression, the glints in his eye… they were definitely obvious. But nobody seemed to find anything suspicious about him at all. Although it was extremely advantageous in missions, he sometimes found it rather frustrating.

The waitress returned, a tray of drinks at hand. Smiling coyly at Hisashi, she bent over, 'accidentally' exposing a generous amount of cleavage. However, Kogure noticed, Hisashi's interest now seemed to be somewhere else.

He ran a trembling hand through his moist hair. He felt tired, and absolutely perplexed. A part of him wanted to forget his mission, go home, catch some shut-eye, then wake up the next day and act as if nothing happened. But the more insistent part wanted him to stay, or even walk over to the table and strike up a friendly conversation. He had so many questions in mind. Like, "Hey, do you still remember me?", or, "What does this Rukawa have that I don't?", or, "Did you even love me, Hisashi?"

Suddenly, there were tears in his eyes. Stinging, furious tears. He quickly wiped them away, and he hissed as the rough fabric scraped his skin. He had tried to forget Hisashi over and over, and he thought he had succeeded.

He thought wrong. And it angered him, frustrated him, pained him.

He rose from his chair. Quietly, he walked towards Hisashi's table. Hisashi was sipping his glass of vodka, deep in thought.

Hisashi jerked as he heard wood scrape against the floor.

"Hisashi Mitsui?"

Hisashi almost choked on his drink. He thought it was only the vodka playing tricks on him. But when he reached out his hands to touch the other's face to verify, he knew it was real.

He stared as the stranger titled his head sideways, brown eyes glazed and unreadable.

Hisashi felt nauseated. "It… couldn't be."

The stranger smiled. "Clearly, I was wrong. You still remember me… don't you?"

 

* * *

 

 

Rukawa once again stood beside the grand piano he used awhile back, memories of CM's ever-so-happy vocalist flooding his mind.

He couldn't help asking why the said man wanted to spend time with him. How can one man stand his one-worded replies?

And suddenly he felt someone's insistent poking.

"Aren't you cold, Ru-chan"

"Ru-chan" He voiced back.

"It's so damn cooooold...I can't feel my toes! Make me coffee."

"...huh"

"Coffee" Sendoh pouts. "NOW"

Rukawa sighed. One minute, he was enjoying the sweet silence brought about by winter. The next thing he knew, he was suffering Sendoh's unrelenting request to make him a cup of coffee.

"Ahou."

Sendoh grins.

Then it was all over replaced by an overly concerned vocalist.

"Just messing with you, Rukawa-kun."

He then lends Rukawa his jacket.

"Here, you look cold."

Rukawa blushingly accepted the offer and muttered his thanks.

"Would it be too much if I asked you to kiss me, Rukawa-kun" Sendoh asked grinning wildly at him.

He knew, of course, that CM's vocalist was teasing. But would it be too much to resent to his request?

"Ruka-..."

Sendoh's words were immediately cut short. One minute they were standing side by side, the next minute Sendoh Akira found himself pinned on the wall by none other than his producer, Rukawa Kaede.

"Rukawa-san..."

Rukawa couldn't help but smirk at his prey.

"Would it be too much to resent to your request, Sendoh-san"

Sendoh gulped as the other inched his way towards his lips.

Now he was practically wondering why he taunted their quiet producer.

Sendoh's breath was hitching once in awhile as the other move closer towards him, 'til he could feel the others quiet breathing…

 

* * *

 

 

_And I'm left standing here to die,_

_With no one else to care._

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [1] William Blake's Auguries of Innocence. Yeah.  
> Hang on. Was it William Blake?
> 
> [2] Hanagata works as a basketball coach. XD


	6. Vestige

_It's been awhile since he touched his face…his soft caress only but in memory exists. Everything about him has been carefully erased by time. Not that he cared…because the only thing he's seeking now is revenge. And some unknown answers about his abandonment._

 

* * *

 

 

"You still remember me… don't you?"

It was as if the bar, the people, the music, the snow, and the cold were dissolved into a void of silence and nothingness. His heart plummeted in his chest loudly.

For the first time in his life, Hisashi Mitsui felt like he wanted to cry.

"Cold?"

He gasped as he suddenly felt the weight of the stranger's body against him, felt the warm lips gently tickling his ear.

He felt himself tremble. He knew Kiminobu Kogure better than everyone else. And it was in knowing Kogure that Mitsui realized how little he knows about the man.

_And I didn't give a damn. I treated him the way I treated the others._

_That was my biggest mistake._

"Kogure…"

"This is a rather inappropriate place for this, don't you think?" Kogure breathed, his fingers playing with the buttons of Mitsui's coat. "But… there is really no appropriate place for us anymore."

Kogure drew back from Mitsui. He felt himself shaking with anger and hate and… ironically, with twisted, painful affections.

"I should've known, from the very beginning. You were always the charmer, Hisashi. I must admit I was an idiot for even liking you!" There was bitterness in Kogure's tone, and it bit Mitsui far more painfully than what he expected. "You were always playful, carefree…"

"…but you went too far."

Mitsui stared at him with sad, tired eyes.

"Yes… I did."

Kogure smiled grimly. "I'm glad you know."

Kogure finally turned and walked towards the door. Mitsui gasped. Everything, everything was confusing, a surreal blur. He felt his head throb.

"K-Kogure?" He croaked. The bespectacled man paused.

_"I'm sorry."_

He wasn't expecting any answer. But the sight of a tear rolling down Kogure's cheek, and the way Kogure had ran out of the bar, was a reply that was even more lucid than words could ever depict.

The air was cold, Mitsui noticed. Colder, perhaps. And the snow outside has not yet ceased to fall.

 

* * *

 

 

Mitsui's fingers played with the porcelain cup on his desk. It had finally stopped snowing; by what he can see from his window, the weather was improving, and sunlight was finally peeking through the mass of grey clouds.

Since his unexpected encounter with Kogure days ago, he found that he couldn't focus on anything, much as he wanted to. The unfinished paperwork, and a list of unanswered calls from strangers, clients, friends, women, still sat, unchecked and unmoved, at his desk. But all that he could do, despite the work that was starting to pile up, was play with that empty porcelain cup, and stare blankly at the dark, melancholy sky.

There was something about his relationship with Kogure which he couldn't let go of. That he knew. But what was it that made Kiminobu Kogure so special and damn troublesome?

He should start figuring things out… to comprehend the complexity of his emotions, and maybe that of Kogure's as well. Else, the sleepless nights, unattended businesses…

…and feelings which he realized to be of longing, and bitter, mocking regret.

Mitsui nearly jumped from his seat when a hand shook him by the shoulder.

"It is very uncharacteristic of you to be so engrossed." Maki Shinichi greeted, a smirk playing on his lips.

Mitsui snorted as he placed the porcelain cup on the side, and pretended to be reviewing his paperwork. "There is such a thing as knocking, Maki."

"I've been knocking for a couple of times." He smiled. "You were just distracted."

"A lot of things have been coming up lately." Mitsui sighed.

"Hence your grumpiness." Maki grinned and pulled a chair, and placed a manila folder on Mitsui's desk.

"Work?"

"Yes, 'work', as you guys put it."

Mitsui opened the folder, smiled, and looked at Maki. "Consider it done."

Maki grinned. "This is exactly why I like your agency, Mitsui-san. And how about the other… 'work'… I gave you? As I've said before, I want his death to be… special."

"My best assassin is currently working on him."

"Good."

"Come to think of it…" Mitsui wondered aloud, "He hasn't reported in a week." Smiling, Mitsui took his coat from its rack, and slipped inside. He turned to Maki.

"Care to join me for a walk?"

"Where to?"

"Somewhere far from the men's club."

Maki shrugged, but there was an unmistakable glint on his eye as he put on his coat and followed Mitsui to the cold outside.

 

* * *

 

 

"Would it be too much to submit to your request, Sendoh-san?"

Rukawa was teasing Sendoh Akira to no end. He stepped closer slowly as the other slowly backed away 'til the cold wall touched his bare back.

Sendoh stared at Rukawa's dark cerulean eyes drowning within its depth. His shallow breathing did not betray his current nervousness on such gaze. There was no where to back-off to…either way, Rukawa wouldn't probably waste such an opportunity to screw his ass then again he didn't know what the young producer really had in mind.

He slowly closed his eyes preparing for what was to come before he heard rustles from outside as the creaking sound of the door filled the room announcing the arrival of the Maki Shinichi.

"Are you alright, Sendoh-san?"

Sendoh immediately opened his eyes, as he felt the Rukawa's warm breath whispering alluring words that completely set him off-guard.

Rukawa pulled back and smirked at his current prey once again, his eyes clearly displaying a hint of playfulness which could also mean, 'you don't know who you're messing around, kiddo' in short terms, 'back-off'.

"Aa, Rukawa-san…you're right on time."

Rukawa looked questioningly at the stranger wondering who he might be.

"Have I greeted you, an advance happy birthday?"

"Hn."

Sendoh gawked, completely awestruck with the new information he gathered about his, I mean, their new producer.

"Sendoh-san, are you alright?"

Twice, the same question has been asked to him by two different persons. He blinked unknowingly before he realized how impolite it was to keep silent when you were expected to answer.

"I'm fine, Maki-san. I just zoned out a little." He smiled sheepishly before he noticed Maki's silent companion, who was having a staring game with Rukawa.

"Mitsui-sempai…."

"Sendoh-san, please head to room 1174, the others are waiting for you. I'll be running a little late so I advice you practice this new piece."

"Wow, I must be getting on your nerves. I never knew you'd talk too much." Sendoh grinned before leaving the said room.

"…"

"I see; Sendoh-san does not suspect a thing. A job well-done Rukawa-san."

"Aa. You must be the client then."

"Right you are."

"And what may I assume, are you doing here?"

"Checking on you, of course."

"Have I not swore, Mitsui-san?"

Silence consumed the room as the three remained rooted at their places, no one daring to utter a single phrase. Once again, the creak of the door broke whatever tension they felt as another entered the now crowded room.

"Kogure-san."

"Rukawa-san!" Kogure greeted cheerfully. "I'm sorry… am I interrupting something?"

"We were discussing an important matter, but… of course; it'd be a shame to pass this honor of meeting you, sir." Maki bowed.

"Kogure. Kogure Kiminobu."

"Maki Shinichi."

He waited for Mitsui to make his move. Maki could only blink in confusion when he noticed his companion's seemingly petrified state. Rukawa was wondering at Mitsui's change of attitude, as well.

"Mitsui-san? Are you alright?"

Mitsui jerked in surprise, as if someone had just slapped him hard across the face. With an unusual, modest demeanor, he extended his hand towards Kogure.

"Nice… nice to meet you."

Kogure chuckled and took his hand. "Mitsui-san, is it? Nice to meet you too."

Maki cocked his head. "Do you two know each other?"

Mitsui remained silent. Kogure's eyes were searching, calculating.

"We've met." He said, with the slightest hint of a sardonic smile.

Maki thought it best not to pursue the subject. Shrugging, he decided that it was probably the right time to leave. Things were turning out the way he wanted them to be, and he was satisfied.

"I apologize for all the trouble."

"Come by anytime! It would be good to have some audience around." Kogure beamed happily.

Maki bowed, and left the room. Mitsui stared at Kogure with sad, forlorn eyes, before taking his leave.

Kogure stood for a few minutes on the same spot, as if thinking, wondering. What about, Rukawa had a fair guess.

"Well… I guess I'll be seeing you at the recording room, Rukawa-san." Kogure finally said. Rukawa nodded, and the bespectacled man left the room.

Rukawa grinned. His curiosity had finally picked on something worthwhile.

 

* * *

 

 

"I find it strange that I was doing the 'charming' back there. Whatever happened to your killer attitude?"

Mitsui huffed. "What killer attitude?"

"You know. Your so-called charisma. Alluring little antics to get them all in bed."

When Mitsui didn't answer, Maki decided to push him a little further.

"What, you still don't know? Your unexplainable ability to drive everyone into, ah, _delirium_ …"

_"Look, Maki, I'm not really in the mood for this."_

Maki stopped walking, his face clearly reflecting surprise, and a bit of amusement which he had tried to hide without luck. He stared at Mitsui, who had not stopped walking, and was seemingly deep in thought.

Before he knew it, his companion had finally disappeared into the thick visage of mist and snow.

He chuckled.

_Young men. You can never tell what they have in mind. And that, probably, is a feature that makes them very, very interesting._

But he wasn't complaining. After all, the drama and the woes of their tragic, middle-aged lives were class-A, top-graded, sophisticated entertainment.

Especially for those who simply wanted to be amused.

 

* * *

 

 

White. Space. The stillness of everything was sickening. At least the steady beat of the machine has long been abandoned while the room itself was no more sullen. Its occupant lying there for who knows how long whining once in awhile.

"Kenji…."

"Toru. I know you've been dreaming to leave this place but please be patient. The team misses you dearly but you can't teach them yet in this condition. Soon. I promise you; especially now that you're wide awake."

"Kenji, where's Kaede?"

"Ever since, you…you've been here. He's been working day in and day out. And even now that you're awake, he's still working…"

"I…I've been such a bad oniichan, huh?"

"Toru! You're he's only family and I know how much he blamed himself during that night…."

"I'm supposed to be the older brother! I'm supposed to be the one taking care of my younger brother and you, Kenji. But what have I done to him, I've ruined pretty much everything."

"It wasn't your fault to get caught up into such accident."

"But Kaede…I'll never see him smile again."

Fujima Kenji moved closer to wrap his arms around his tall lover trying to comfort him.

 

* * *

 

 

_But sometimes I'm hoping you're closer to me,_

_And sometimes I'm yearning you'll look in my way,_

_'Cause every time you're near me I don't know what to say,_

_It's just that I'm falling for you every single day._

Rukawa Kaede stood bemused as he felt Sendoh's overwhelming passion. Though he composed the song, every word touched a fiber of his soul as if it was the first time he ever heard it.

"Saa, Sendoh-san that was amazing." Ayako proclaimed, as she went to pat him on the back.

"I couldn't have done it without, Rukawa-kun. He wrote the song."

"That walking block of ice wrote 'You'?" Ryota sniggered at the thought.

Rukawa coughed silently as he fully recovered from his shock. He occupied a seat unceremoniously and stared at the now hushed CM members except for Kogure who was eyeing him suspiciously.

*WHACK*

Somehow Ayako managed to smack Ryota with his paper fan out of embarrassment as Kogure tried to pry Ryota off Ayako's fatal whacking. Sendoh undeniably stared at Rukawa's dark cerulean eyes lost once again within its depths.

"Get to work."

Rukawa's cold harsh voice earned him deep sighs before everyone managed to snap out of their own reveries and head back to work.

_Every time I close my eyes,_

_I see you by my side._

_Even though you're far away,_

_You're always in my mind._

"Stop. That's all for today. Go home and rest."

Everyone didn't anticipate Rukawa to be a major pain…he made them sing and perfect the song more than ten times.

"It's all your fault, baka."

"Aya-chan…" Ryota whined at Ayako with huge puppy dog eyes.

"If you didn't call him a walking block of ice, he wouldn't have tortured us. I can barely feel my hands."

Kogure remained silent as he eyed Sendoh's retreating form heading the other direction. He's eyes twinkled for a moment in amusement before he decided not to bother the sullen singer.

"Aya-chan! Let's have a date."

"I'm not talking to you."

"Maa, maa. Sendoh-san seems…preoccupied."

 

* * *

 

 

_Have I greeted you, an advance happy birthday?_

Sendoh cringed as he heard Maki's voice over and over again.

_How can he not tell me it's his birthday? Damn, it's not as if I'm his boyfriend._

"Sendoh-san, I told you ' _Go home and rest_ '."

He turned around to face the source of his apprehension. He was so rapt in thought that he never realized how he succeeded in coming face to face with Rukawa.

"Ah gomen, I was…"

"Excuses won't matter."

"Saa, I was wondering how you kept your birthday from us?"

"And what is it to you?"

"Erm…nothing really but I just want to greet my friends on the day they were born."

"Friends?"

"Well you see, you're our new producer so I guess it's only fair that we become friends too. It is part of enjoying the job after all…"

"January One."

"Wow! Rukawa-san, is Mitsui-san, as I've heard it's his name, your boyfriend?"

Sendoh blushed as Rukawa glared at him for asking such an intimidating question.

"Again. What is it to you?"

"Etou…."

"Sendoh-san, Mit-sui-san is not and will never be my boyfriend."

"Ah, gomen. Do you have any boyfriend or girlfriend then?"

Rukawa eyed Sendoh curiously feeling quite uneasy after witnessing Sendoh's proclamation of what we may call jealousy or concern. He stared at him, not intending to answer the last question leaving it all for Sendoh to determine whether or not, he has or if he's free.

"I'll take that as you're free then. Saa…let's go on a date?"

Rukawa's eyes could've budged out of there sockets after Sendoh's offering but of course they didn't even flinch, Rukawa Kaede was after all the Ice Prince himself or as Ryota likes to call him 'a walking block of ice'.

_What the hell is he thinking? Fuck…I hate this mission. The hell will I do with a date…with Sendoh Akira. Damnit._

"Come on, Kae-chan. It's my birthday gift."

"Don't call me Kae-chan."

"Kae-chan!"

"Shut up. I never asked for a gift."

"But…I like giving gifts to my friends. And you're one of them."

"I never knew you hit on guys."

"I don't. I was just checking you."

"Fuck you."

"Aw…is poor little Kae-chan offended?"

"Ahou."

"Come on, let's go out."

"No."

"Kae-chan?"

"…."

"Rukawa-san?"

_Damnit I almost lost myself there. I hate you, Mitsui Hisashi. Why can't I just kill this guy? Why do I have to put up with his, for heaven's sake, childish ways?_

"Fine."

 

 


	7. Rendezvous

"Aniki, don't wait up. I'm going out after work," Rukawa said, one hand holding his cellphone while the other was fixing his table.

"No, I'm fine," he continued picking up his bag.

"I have spare clothes. Yes."

"Yes. Okay. Ja," he said, finally ending the call.

After more persuading in Sendoh's part, Rukawa finally conceded with marking today as the day of celebration.

 

* * *

 

 

"Onii-chan."

Shinichi Maki felt his heartbeat quicken. _Kiyota._ There was no mistaking it. He strained his eyes for the merest trace of movement—of life—but it was too dark to see any further than the reach of his arm. He took a tentative step forward, and another, and another. He felt his knees tremble.

"Onii-chan." Kiyota's voice was louder this time, and more panicked. Maki's fear was immediately replaced with worry.

"Kiyota? Kiyota, where are you?" He heard a weak sob. "Just... just keep calling nii-chan's name, OK? I'm coming fo—"

"It's too late, onii-chan." Kiyota's voice was hoarse, his tone defeated. "I failed you. I'm sorry."

Maki broke into a frantic run. _Oh no oh no oh no..._

"Kiyota! Kiyota, don't do anything stupid, you hear me?" Kiyota didn't answer. Faster and faster he went, reaching out blindly into the darkness.

He stumbled forward, and heard something crack. Maki turned around, his skin prickling with fear, and found himself staring at a lifeless Kiyota, eyes bloodshot and open, a bottle of pills and a needle in his hand.

Maki felt the bile rise up to his throat.

A horrible stench of rotting corpses filled his nose. He watched, petrified, as Kiyota disintegrated into flesh and bone. There was an odd noise of bones cracking and crumbling into clumps of ash, and Maki found himself in a sea of white and grey. He felt his throat constrict, and he was unable to breathe; the dust and the smell clogged his nose and mouth. His vision was getting blurry.

"Kiyota," he gasped. _I can't die, Kiyota. I can't die... not until he does._

For a moment, everything seemed to have stopped. The pungent smell cleared; the dust thinned, inch by inch, and finally dissolved into the darkness of oblivion.

 

* * *

 

 

Maki woke up with a start, beads of sweat running down his temples. He looked around wildly-papers and clothes were strewn across the floor in a map of disarray, and the smell of sake clung onto his sheets with a vice-like grip. There was a dull, persistent throbbing in his head— _fuck, I shouldn't have drank too much_ —and the beginnings of a nasty hangover shook off whatever stubborn remnants of the nightmare that held onto his consciousness.

He can't remember why he was even drinking in the first place; the past day was actually one of his better days. Two of the pending missions had finally been carried out, and the clients were more than willing to hand in the payoff and get it done and over with. The talks with three prospective clients had progressed, too, and if he hadn't misread the eager, ruthless look on their faces, he knew the deals were in the bag.

And of course, there was Sendoh Akira. The way he gaped and stared enviously at him had been hilarious. It was an obvious sign of Sendoh's attraction for his assassin, and as sickening and pathetic as it was, he would have it no other way. Surely, the kid must've done something about Rukawa's birthday by now.

Maki chuckled derisively. The gullible moron was making it too easy.

After all these years, it still escapes him how that driveling idiot and his amateur band had been so successful. Granted, he had a prettier face than Kiyota, but that was about it. In the end, however, Sendoh Akira managed to steal the fame and the recognition his brother deserved. It was absurd, and unfair.

Kiyota was stupid for letting the media and the paranoia get the better of him, but he couldn't quite forget the way Kiyota had uttered, "It's over, nii-chan." It wasn't, at least not yet, but Kiyota decided to take the easy way out. The moment he found Kiyota on his bed, spit and blood on his pillow and eternally unmoving, he realized how his brother had been broken in ways more than one. It was a wonderful dream that had mercilessly ended before it could even start.

He wouldn't let that go unexpended, though. And he'll personally see to it that retribution would be ruthless and sweet. He'll just have to make sure that Rukawa doesn't fuck it up, but that could be arranged.

Maki smirked, self-satisfied. _Things will soon be in their right places._

He stared at the moon, confident from where it hung in the cloudless sky. The air was comfortably warm, and his surroundings were unusually silent. It was a perfect night for a sound, blissfully undisturbed sleep. It's been years since he had a peaceful sleep, come to think of it, but he wasn't expecting tonight to be different. Still, dreams about his brother weren't that frequent. The insecure brat probably wanted attention. Or assurance, whatever. Either way, he was being a total pain in the ass. And at 2:47 in the morning with a bitch of a hangover, Maki can't help but feel a bit annoyed.

"I haven't forgotten you, you know." He said loudly. The room remained silent and unmoving, but he heard the answer, haughty and obnoxious and a bit sinister, startlingly clear as the tranquil night.

_"Like I would've let you, aniki."_

 

* * *

 

 

Sendoh Akira was anxious. He was taking the band's producer out tonight. _Tonight._ Finally.

He clutched the ticket he worked so hard to buy for. By 'hard work' he meant 15 minutes of blinding the women with lust with his infamous Sendoh Akira sexytime grin (it wasn't a compliment, as Koshino had pointed out _numerous_ times before, but he liked the name anyway) before one ticket lady finally relented and gave him a much-coveted ticket, much to the chagrin of those in the queue before and behind him. One even had the decency to call him—what was it?—a "butt-ugly communal sex bunny". He fiddled on a button of his keychain— _ploop ploop—_ and sauntered off towards the direction of his car's high-pitched alarm, his nervousness assuaged for a second as he laughed softly at the memory.

To begin with, he didn't even know why he was so nervous. It's not as if they were going out for a date. He tried to convince himself that it was a casual outing between good friends. Not as if they were really friends, if Rukawa's rather frequent sneers of "do'ahou" and blood-curdling glares had anything to say about it. Well, _other_ people found it blood-curdling. Personally, he thought it was cute.

"Everything about Kaede-kun is cute for you, Akira-kun," Ayako would say, if she was with him. And he will agree, of course, and even suggest other cute things about Rukawa. Like his eyes, for example. And his hands. How he walks. Hm. It was going to be a pretty long list. _Maybe I should do this alphabetically._

Sendoh was halfway through "biting his lip when he's having a hard time with a song" and "butt" when Rukawa finally exited the company building, leaving Sendoh no choice but to leave his nice thoughts behind to fetch his companion for the night.

Rukawa entered the car with sure steps, resembling someone who is undergoing a routine. Without any hesitation, much less a greeting to Sendoh, they drove silently.

Just in time for their reservation, they headed to Aragawa, one of the most expensive restaurants in the world. Since it was easy to park the car, the two headed to their table and ordered the house specialty and some wine to match their dishes.

"Ruka-," Sendoh began but was cut off.

"Kaede."

"Eh?"

"I think you're allowed to call me Kaede now."

Surprised, Sendoh couldn't help but smile a little before continuing with his question, "Ru-I mean Kaede, how's the single coming through?"

"Hmm, the editing is fairly easy now. The single should be released in two weeks." Rukawa replied.

"Wow! That's fast." Sendoh said, taking a bite of his order.

Silence once again reigned in their table as the scraping of the knife can be the only noise heard.

"Umm, do you plan on writing a new song for the next album?" Sendoh asked, trying to break the silence.

"Maybe." Rukawa replied.

"Maybe, we can write it…together?" Sendoh asked hopefully.

"Maybe."

"Let's!" Sendoh said energetically, raising his glass before sipping some wine.

And they continued to eat this way, with Sendoh constantly breaking the silence and Rukawa occasionally giving one-worded replies.

Sendoh glanced at his watch. 7:15. The concert, which will feature the New York Philharmonic Orchestra, will start at 9 at the Tokyo Dome. If Sendoh wasn't a very popular singer he would've been bankrupted from the very start. Truly, to say this birthday treat was one _hell_ of an expensive gift was an understatement. If he had done this for other people, he might've asked himself, "Is it worth it?" But Rukawa was not just "other people", that much Sendoh knew, and pathetic as it may sound, he was even more worried about what Rukawa was thinking at the moment; those precious thoughts that were masked by the man's usual deadpan, if not bored expression. A face that was deceitfully impassive, which cracked only when Sendoh got through him, with his insistent pestering and innocent inquisitiveness.

He didn't even know why Rukawa had chosen himto spend his special day with, of all people. _Him_ , the adorable, idiot clown of a superstar, and his sexytime grin, that was the recipient of almost all of Rukawa's steely, distant, irritable behavior.

_Am I worth it, Kaede?_

The surprise on Rukawa's face as he bit into the Kobe beef steak gave him a glimmer of hope that somehow, yes, he was.

Not long after, Sendoh finally paid the bill and the two headed to Sendoh's car, and went on another silent, 30-minute drive to the Tokyo Dome.

Upon entering Tokyo Dome, they were seated in one of the finest and expensive seats, courtesy of Sendoh Akira (and his surreptitious charm). There was an excited buzz about the audience, most of whom are dressed with velvet gowns and well-tailored suits. Some, however, were in traditional clothing, Sendoh notes with pride. The murmuring only died down a few minutes later, when the lights were dimmed, save for the yellow floodlights that made the orchestra slightly visible, and the actual experience more surreal. The conductor flicks both of his hands, and the concert began with the piece "Koukyoushi Finlandia Sakuhin 26".

Sendoh was soon engrossed with the sound of the trumpets, the violin, clarinets and the rest of the instruments that he didn't notice his companion falling asleep until he felt Rukawa's head loll at his shoulder. The orchestra's spell was broken as a strand of black hair tickled his cheek, and his nose caught whiffs of Rukawa's shampoo. He thought about pushing Rukawa back to his seat; the closeness wasn't doing any good to his self-control. He was sure he was going to do something stupid at this point now, with Rukawa's lips just a mere dip of the head away. The logical little Sendoh in his head was certainly against this arrangement—it was against the whole, er, friendly _outing_ , to begin with— and was tutting disapprovingly at his lovesick reactions. _Like a junior high schoolgirl on her first_

_date,_ it drawled. Sendoh imagined swatting the pesky bastard away, the tiny Sendoh flying through the air and disappearing in a twinkle, manga-style, as he smirked and reveled in his emotional victory. He felt a little better after that, and found that he didn't really care so much at the growing spot of drool on his Y10,000 suit. He made a note to add this to his alphabetical "cute things about Rukawa" mental list later.

Several beautiful masterpieces were played before the final "Kumikyoku 'Tenrankai no E' IX. Baba Yaga no KoyaRe1". The concert was ending. Sendoh, with much reluctance, decided to wake Rukawa.

"Kaede. Kaede, the concert is almost over. You better wake up now," Sendoh whispered, shaking Rukawa gently.

A bit more shaking occurred before Rukawa finally opened his eyes. It actually felt like they were in that movie, Sleeping Beauty, except there was no evil dragon and Rukawa had only slept for over an hour. _And_ , there wasn't any actual kissing involved. Although, Sendoh's face was quite close to Sleeping Beauty— _Rukawa_ (It's RUKAWA, you Disney geek, Sendoh berates himself inwardly), and Sendoh realized this almost too late. He immediately pulled back, a light blush on his face.

The final notes were just about to be played before most of the crowd stood and gave the orchestra a standing ovation, and the dome was filled with cheering fans.

Rukawa jerked up, surprised by the sudden bustle of activity, and stood with the crowd. His hair was mussed-up and messy, and there was a trail of drool from the side of his lips. Sendoh's eyes crinkled in amusement.

"What?" Rukawa asks him gruffly, his voice husky with sleep.

Sendoh's breath hitched. _Shit, that was sexy_.

"Er—you've got drool on your face!" he cheerfully announced. _Too_ cheerfully.

"Don't say it out loud, you moron!" Rukawa growled, and made a motion to smack Sendoh up the head. But his body, which seemed to be not as awake as his brain was, failed him, and as luck would have it, Rukawa lost his balance and slipped.

It happened all too quickly—how Rukawa uttered "fuck" in surprise and how Sendoh gasped "Kaede!" in surprise and how Sendoh's quick _arms_ jutted out in surprise, and was able to catch him before he hit his head on one of the nearby chairs.

"Are you okay, Kaede?" Sendoh asked, concerned. He quickly glanced at his surroundings, only to find that the couples around them had noticed the commotion and were now staring, at him, at Rukawa, and at his arm looped protectively around Rukawa's waist.

"I'm fine, thank you." Rukawa's tone was a bit higher than usual. "Can you please let go of me now?"

Oh, shit. He almost forgot _what_ they could possibly look like to other people. "Uhh, yes of course. Sorry," he replied, letting go of Rukawa and fixing their crumpled clothes.

They let a number of the audience leave before finally departing themselves, with Sendoh taking it to himself to drop Rukawa to his home. It was apparent that the producer was quite sleepy already, and Sendoh wasn't one to leave his sleepy dates— _friends—_ to fend for themselves, alone.

"Did you even enjoy the concert, Kaede?" Sendoh asked half-jokingly.

"The modulation of the Kumikyoku are quite beyond imagination. The orchestra truly deserve their fame." Rukawa replied.

Sendoh was left speechless as Rukawa gave other details about the instruments and the performance itself of the orchestra when he knew for a fact that Rukawa was deep asleep during some of those pieces, leaving Sendoh to wonder how much of a genius Rukawa is. Their company was _definitely_ lucky to have someone like Rukawa.

Soon after, they were in front of Rukawa's house and Sendoh decided to get down from the car a bit to wait for Rukawa to enter said house. _Like a guy waiting for his girlfriend to safely enter her residence,_ he mused.

Rukawa was about to enter the house when he turned around, and went back towards him. Sendoh blinked.

"Uh, is there something wro—"

His mouth had barely formed the "o" in "wrong" when Rukawa cupped his face, and gave him a chaste kiss. Warm, light, gentle, and a bit too quick.

Sendoh stood gaping in the middle of the road as Rukawa finally left.

 

* * *

 

 

Rukawa locked the door of the house with a smirk on his face.

"Nobody said I couldn't play around just a bit."

Rukawa changed from his formal attire to his pajamas and prepared to sleep.

"I'll just have to take care not to fall in love."

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Reposting from FF.NET. After N years, we actually plan to finish this.


End file.
